body neutrality

I was recently on TikTok and learned about the term “body neutrality”. Essentially, body neutrality is about taking the pressure off of holding our bodies to a standard of beauty and just being okay with the practical functions of the body, and being appreciative. The body positivity movement has helped a lot of people grow to love their bodies and see beauty in themselves, and I think this is wonderful. However, I feel like I resonate more with the body neutrality movement because it feels less superficial? Let me be clear, I do not think seeing beauty in yourself is superficial at all. I think that for me personally, having to make myself feel “beautiful” all the time put too much emphasis on my body and my looks, and that wasn’t beneficial to my self esteem. Okay, yes. THAT. I am so grateful for my body. I try to look out for it the best I can, and my body looks the way it looks. I find myself attractive on most days, but there are days where insecurity clouds my perception of myself. Some days, I admire my form. Other days, I pick apart things that I have no control over, just for the hell of it. On those days, my first instinct is to tell myself “Skyler, you’re gorgeous. You look amazing. Your body looks fine. You’re beautiful”. And while I am so proud of that inner voice that I worked so hard to instill within myself, sometimes it is exhausting having to realign myself with any standard of beauty on my off days. Somedays it’s just like, what does it matter? My body is my body, and that is enough. I don’t want to have to appeal to my standard of beauty (which is influenced by society) when my body has a mind of its own. My boobs do not care if I’m wearing a bra or not, they’re going to be thriving regardless. My legs don’t care if they have hair on them, in fact, they probably prefer it. My skin does not care at all if I have a break out or if I have stretch marks or if I have a scar here or there. My body is just helping me survive and I love it for that. It is powerful to know and believe that you are beautiful. Do not get me wrong there. There’s nothing like looking in the mirror and just feeling yourself. But we have to start questioning what standard of beauty we’re holding ourselves to and where it comes from. Where does the standard of beauty come from for you? As a woman, I’ll be the first to say that my internal male gaze can be so prevalent, even without my consent! This can really effect how I see myself (we’re working on it), and it doesn’t help that some men feel so comfortable objectifying and/or tearing down women for how they look in comparison to the women they see on special websites. Every woman experiences the internal male gaze to some extent, because we live in a patriarchal society that has unfortunately conditioned us to feel that men are always watching, and that their approval is important and significant to our value (It absolutely isn’t. But knowing that doesn’t change the fact that the gaze is there). When I look at my body, I’ll be completely honest, a thought that I have is, “I wonder what men think of my body when they see me. I hope I’m desirable”. HUHHHHHH????? The logical part of my mind is like “You goddess, you queen. You golden treasurer, no man deserves you”. But the flip side is only human nature. Wanting to be desired is normal. Desire often leads to love which leads to procreation, and from an evolutionary perspective this isn’t unusual. But from a social perspective??? That is sickening. Another aspect to consider is the beauty industry. It is no secret that the beauty industry controls the beauty standards of the world, and that the beauty industry is rooted in fleeting, superficial things. Beauty standards literally change constantly. According to the beauty industry, my body type was in style a few years ago but now it’s out of season. HAHAHA. I should also say that I’m fairly thin, and my body has never been something that’s caused me to be bullied or ridiculed by the beauty industry. My insecurities are of course valid, but the worst I’ve gotten is the typical “Girl, you need to eat a potato!” or, “I can wrap my hand around your wrist!”. These are minor comments that have, of course, effected my body image, but not things that have greatly wounded me emotionally or socially. However, the beauty industry hates all of us to some degree. It all comes down to how insecure they can make us so that they can profit off our body image issues. They will sell us creams and powders and promote lifts and suctions. And for what? Of course, every person has the choice to do whatever they want with their body. And the choice to alter your appearance and play around with makeup and clothes is up to you and can be fun. But there’s no way in hell that I’m going to be chasing after the next standard, as if I’m clay and the beauty industry is the sculptor. If I leave my self esteem in their hands, they’ll scrape and chisel it away until I’m dust. So, body neutrality. Yes, I think my body is beautiful even when I don’t feel that it is. Because I know the standard of superficial beauty I have floating in my mind is ridiculous and not naturally possible. And I know that any insecurities that I have are a result of me not meeting that constructed standard. And so if the beauty standard is constructed, it’s literally not real (or at least isn’t relevant to my value). My legs are there to help me walk. My boobs are there to store MILK for a child I don’t even have. My face is just the place where my nose, eyes, and mouth are placed to help me breathe, smell, see, and taste. It’s whatever. Love it. I am beautiful because I exist. Period. Our bodies don’t need to fit a worldly standard of beauty to be loved, appreciated, and admired. Come on, it took billions of years for our species to even come in to existence. Our bodies are literally a project that was YEARS in the making. That’s spectacular. Beauty standards come and go, and our value stays consistent. So, I guess my conclusion is that I want my standard of beauty to be purer. I want it to come from a place of gratitude and acceptance and love. Yes, it feels really good to be desired. But every day is not a challenge to make other people accept you and validate your beauty. If it will make you feel confident to know you are hot, THEN BABY YOU ARE HOT. If it will make you feel confident to know that your body is in good health, take care of yourself to the best of your ability and be gentle with yourself. If it will make you feel confident to show some skin, wear that crop top luv. If you want to cover up, do it babe. Do whatever you want to, but for you and no one else. At the end of the day, our bodies are just vessels for our souls. Don’t let your spirit break because of insecurities projected on to you by the media. You are perfect, because you are you.

Love you all.